Thank you all

I want to thank my family for making the holidays as easy as possible for me. It seems when we are all gathered together - like at meals - is when Jerry's absence is so obvious. I don't want to upset the kids so I will just come back to my house and let it out there. I know I spend a lot of time laying on the bed, but it is not always to sleep. Sometimes it's where I go for my private time to let my grief out. I have the best family and they are always the ones I count first when I count my blessings. I thank you for giving me the time and space that you do without judgement or disdain. Your understanding is what helps me make it through my days. I know I can go to Dave and Shan's any time I want and just hang out there and I do sometimes go down to their house. Sometimes the grief and the longing to have Jerry back is more than I can handle and that I want to do in private. So some of those times when you think I am sleeping I have really retreated to my bed to let my grief out by myself. Do I sometimes cry myself to sleep? YES. But I am always grateful for my family. All little girls, and big girls love their daddies, and I can see why Shan loves hers so much. Junior likes to tease me and give me a hard time and I know that is his way of showing me he cares about me and I love him for that and am so glad to have him in my life. He was the one I went to the day Jerry died and just took over. Made phone calls to get my family back home and stayed with me until they got there. I can still see me standing at his back door crying and telling him I needed help. He was out of his chair and over to me so fast I don't think his feet touched the floor. He literally carried me to the couch and started making calls to find people. I will never forget when he called Kay to tell her (she was in Little Rock at Linnie's) she asked to talk to me. Junior said "No she's very upset and she doesn't need to be talking on the phone." He was trying to protect me from becoming more upset by having to talk to someone on the phone. Well, I told him it was okay I would talk to Kay. But every time he had to make a call or someone called him he would take his cell phone outside so he wouldn't upset me even more. Poor guy, didn't think about him not hearing so well so he talks loud when he is on the phone and even though he was outside I could still hear him. But that is how far he went trying to protect me. So thank you, my family, for being such a blessing to me, for your love, and understanding. You are my life and I love each and every one of you more than you will ever know. All my love to the best family a person could be blessed to have. Mom/Darlene/Mimi