15 minute job!!!

Jerry would be so proud right now. We always had this thing about jobs taking 15 minutes. It all started when one day long ago my dad said he would help Jerry put new brakes on our car. A 15 minute job he said. WELL, three days later and they were still working on it. So the joke became a 15 minute job when ever any project was undertaken. So the 15 minute job of replacing the broken pipe in my sewage line - that we thought would be a 15 minute job - turns out will be a several day job. Not only was the pipe broken where we could see, but as Junior dug (when no water was coming out the pipe after we installed the new part)...you guessed it...we found more broken pieces. So once again Junior to the rescue. He is going to get the needed pipe and couplers and with his back ho complete the job. For now though I can shower, wash clothes and use the toilet - just no toilet paper please. I can live with that. Jerry lives on!!!

Things that make you miss your husband, but make you glad for great family

On Friday night Shan was mowing the lawn - yes, Shan does the mowing - says she likes it. Anyway I decided, after I moved my car, to walk around the house and make sure there were no twigs or things to pick up. Only to discover that my sewage pipe had a huge hole in it, really the whole top of the pipe was missing, and all the junk was flowing out the top and running under my trailer. I go get Dave to see what we can do about and after several different things Junior comes out to see what the heck we are doing going back forth between his shed and the pasture. When we give him to the low down he jumps on the four-wheeler and goes off to find a hundred foot snake thing to see if there is a clog. Person with snake not home so off he goes first thing Saturday morning. Dave has left for his conference in San Antonio so poor Junior is on his own with this one. Comes back with the snake and we begin. The snake comes all the way to where the top of the pipe is missing with not problem. So - no clog, just lazy water taking the easiest way out, which happens to be the missing top of the pipe. Now Shan and her mom happen to be in Texarkana shopping so we call them and Junior tells them what we need to fix this thing and will they get it and bring it home. They do. Junior comes over first thing today (Sunday) and begins the job. First cutting out the old broken pipe to add a coupler, new pipe and another coupler. Unfortunately it turns out the couplers are too big. So we will have to wait until tomorrow so we can get the right size uptown when the hardware store here opens. No one wants to make another trip to Texarkana with gas prices so high. So a small inconvenience for a little while. I miss Jerry all the time, but at times like this he would have been the one to fix it and I wouldn't feel like I need to depend on my family for everything. But, that is the reality of the situation - so be it. I am grateful my family is so close that helping me with this kind of thing is just a matter of walking a few steps and not having to drive some where to help me. That really makes life easier. Junior has been my hero many times. Two of the most memorable are the day Jerry died - don't know what I would have done without him, and today with this pipe thing. Dave is in San Antonio for the week so Junior has once again come to my aid. Thank you, Junior, and I love you. Never take your family for granted, always tell them you love them, and never forget to say THANK YOU.

"Finally done"

To all of you that knew my mom know this was a familiar quote of hers. Tomorrow I am finally done with CNA classes. We finish with clinical in the dementia unit. I have been practicing my blood pressure by taking my own. I was concerned because I was either really bad at doing the blood pressure or my blood pressure was high. So when I got to class today I asked our instructor, Ms. Judy, to take my blood pressure. Turns out I am good at taking blood pressure and mine is high - 140/100 - so I have an appointment to see Dr. Fox tomorrow. I took it again tonight and it is down. I am hoping that it may just be the stress of classes, and now that they are coming to end how will I be. I started the classes before school was over for the year and so have just continued on with no time off. No time to be alone with not much to do but think. I hope I have progressed far enough in my grief over Jerry that I will be okay and not fall into a million pieces. We do have Disney World coming soon and that will certainly give me something to focus on. I have enjoyed the CNA classes and have met some really nice people. We say we will keep in touch, but will we? Is this something people say when they come together for a short time and then go their separate ways? We will see.

You decide

Those of you that know me know I am the kind of person that has to tell you how the watch is made when you ask me "what time is it?" I also, amoung other things, suffer from OCD. So, with that said here goes. Last week was a stresser. Classes were stressful, clinic was stressful, my car breaking down was stressful, Dave and Shan going to overnight seminars is stressful (I like all"chicks" home for the night. Needless to say Friday I wind up with a whopper of a headache. So bad it required bringing out the Vicks Vapor Rub for the forehead. I go to bed early. Fall asleep and sleep through the night. Towards morning I am aware of a presence in the house. I can tell - even though my eyelids are closed that it is still dark outside. So I figure this is not Tyler or Emily, but I am a little afraid to open my eyes and see who it is. However, before I get up the courage to open my eyes - and I swear to you all of this is true - I hear Jerry's voice and he says, "Is your headache better?" Well! I sat bolt upright in bed, eyes wide open, looking around. I was so freaked out I got up and turned every light in the house on. Now - I have had dreams about Jerry before and they seemed so real I had to turn to look at the other side of the bed to make sure he was not there. This was TOTALLY different. I was not sleeping. I was aware of the fan being on, Cee Cee scratching from her allergies causing the bed to move. Then I sense some one is in the room. Then Jerry's voice asking if my headache is better. I never really believed in that kind of thing before - I do now. As sure as I am sitting here typing this it happened - he was in the bedroom and asking about my headache. You decide!

What a day

This happened yesterday (Thursday). Went to class for our big 10 chapter test. Only to find out she decided to go ahead to do the really BIG test on all 20 chapters. Now, she did not tell us this until we had finished the test. However, I did not study for a 20 chapter test, I studied for the 10 chapter test. Made a 96 A - I can live with it. Left school and headed to Wal-Mart for grocery shopping. Shan is going to a seminar in Florida from Sunday to Thursday next week. I will pick the kids up at Dave's office when I am done with class and then he can come here after to work and eat dinner. I get my groceries and head over to the Murphy gas station to use my Wal-Mart gift card to get 3 cents off a gallon. Get that done and head to Holly's to get the blood pressure cuff I ordered so I can practice before the State Boards. Get the cuff, come out of Holly's and low and behold - my car will not start. Nothing. Not even a click. So back into Holly's I go. Now remember I have a trunk load of groceries. So I call our local mechanic Larry Jones and explain the situation. He'll come to Holly's and take a look. I then borrow Kay's fan - unload my groceries from my car to hers. Get them home and then back to Holly's where Larry has just checked out my car and I need a new battery. He gets the battery, installs it and whala - the car starts. I pay the bill - $153.00 for a battery and service call. Seems steep to me, but when you're stuck, you're stuck. Home I come, put the groceries away and decide to give the blood pressure cuff a try. On myself, of course. Well, scared the pants off me - my blood pressure was 145/100. I think it was the stress, but it was still scary. I will try it again later today and if there is still a problem I'll call the doc, but honestly I think it was the stress of the day. So how has your day been?

Counting down

Well on the count down for CNA school. Tomorrow and next week and done until State Boards! I am glad this opportunity came along, It has kept me busy when I probably would have driven myself crazy fretting about...well just fretting. I will be glad when it is finished. My old brain can use the rest. Worked in the nursing home today. Still have trouble with those darn blood pressures. You wouldn't think something so simple would give me so much trouble. But it does. I have ordered a blood pressure cuff (the old kind with the dial) and will practice, practice, practice until State Boards. I just know that one of the three skill they will give me do on my test will be blood pressure so might as well work at it. I am getting excited about Disney World. Will be here soon. Jerry would have loved it. Going to study for my big 10 chapter test tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Father's Day

To all that still have their father I envy you. I miss my dad every day. Today my heart aches not just for me, but for my kids. I know this is the second Father's Day since Jerry died, but I was in the hospital last year at this time and don't remember much about Father's Day. This year I do. I know how much I am missing my dad and how much David, Brian, and Carla are missing their dads. Shan and Jerry seemed to have this thing between them. He liked to throw out these ziggers. It did not take long for Shan to begin to get them and she would zig right back. He really enjoyed that relationship with her and I know she misses him as much as we do. To Bill and Patty, Shar and Dean, my thoughts are with you also. My dad was a wonderful, gentle man and I know he is very proud of not only his kids, but their spouses and his grandkids. What joy he would have had in knowing Tyler and Emily. Sometimes I am at my saddest when I realize there is something Jerry will not be a part of. I can not wait to go to Disney WORLD(got it right this time), but I also think of how much a kid Jerry would have been if he were there with us. I miss you dad and love you very much. I don't have the words to say how much I miss Jerry. It is with me every single second of every single day. Missing him never leaves me. They say it will get easier. I hope they are right - so far it hasn't. I will close with my love for my dad, for Jerry, and for my kids. This will be a hard day for me, but I think realizing it and just letting it happen is the best thing for me to do. I love my family and don't know what I would do without ALL of you! Mom/Darlene

How very sad

How very sad, Tim Russert died over the week end. It seems he died from the same thing Jerry did. He was only 58 - my heart goes out to his wife, son, and father that he loved so much. I don't know exactly how they feel, because no one knows how you feel when you lose a loved one, but I have some idea. My thoughts and prayers are with them tonight. God bless you, Tim. Meet the Press will never be the same.

A difficult day

You never know when something is going to effect you in a unexpected way or why it does. Our theory class today started off with diseases of the elderly - stroke, Diabetes, COPD, fractures and Alzheimer's. So far so good. Then we moved on to death and dying. What the patient experiences, what the family may experience and what the body goes through during this process. WHAM hit me out of left field. As the instructor is giving the lecture I am sitting there listening to her and tears are streaming down my face. Everything came rushing back at me, my mom in the nursing home, my dad dying from the car accident coming home from seeing her and then Jerry. I was over whelmed. It was, to say the least, very emotional and I was not ready for it. Not that you are ever ready for something like that, but sometimes you know things are coming and you can sort of prepare yourself. I really didn't think I would get so emotional during the lecture. I did, but I got through it. It was tough, though. I did end on a high note, the afternoon consisted of getting checked off on blood pressure readings, which for some reason have been giving me trouble. Only thing in the class that has had me worried. But when it was my turn I went in and the first thing I had to do was a radial pulse count. Hit it right on the button. Then the blood pressure. Put the stethoscope on the crook of the arm, pumped up the cuff, slowly released the pressure and listened for the lump lump lump - got it! We use a very expensive mechanical arm in skills lab, his pulse and blood pressure is programed in by the instructor and only she knows if you get the numbers right. So, again, thank you Chell for coming to my rescue and helping me practice last night. It paid off. I have been checked off as passing these skills!!

Many thanks to a great friend

As you know from reading my blog I am taking CNA classes. Well tomorrow we have a written test in the morning and in the afternoon we have a check off for skills - this one being taking blood pressure. Now, you would think after all the skills I have learned and tests I have taken, maintaining an A in the class this would be a breeze. WRONG. I could NOT get the blood pressure thing down. So I called my dear friend Michelle (she happens to be an LPN) and asked her for some advice. No advice - she jumped in her car and drove over here with her blood pressure cuff and we set to work until I had it. Then we called in recruits (family) for me to have more practice before tomorrow. There is no price you can put on friends like that. I love you Chell and thank you so much! Oh and thanks to Dave and Tyler for being the recruits - we tried to get Junior, but alas he would have none of it!

Never too old to learn

This is an old saying, but oh so true! Today I learned what I DON'T want to do and that is work in a nursing home. Not on a regular bases anyway. Since Jerry died I have been looking - half heartily - for a second job. When the opportunity to take the CNA class came up I thought this is great. They will pay me to go to school and I will learn a second trade for another job. Well, today was my first day of clinical, now that may have something to do with it BUT we will have to wait and see. I will say I did not stay in the hall I was assigned the whole time. I went looking for things to do to help people so actually working in a nursing home may be different in that respect. All I know is when I got home at 3:00 I talked to my best friend Dorothy for a few minuets and then went and laid on the bed and that is the last thing I remember until I woke up at 6:15 - missed Tyler's last game in Springhill - they did great - Tyler hit an in the park home run and the a triple and Emily's last game. So all in all in was a sucky day. Found out I don't want to work in a nursing - or be put in one - and missed my kids last games of the year. What a horrible MImi I am!! I will make it up to them some way. Haven't missed a game all year and then go and miss the last ones! I am so ticked at myself I could ........I don't know what, but I could.

A year since surgery

A year ago this June 12th I had major surgery. All my kids were there, Dave, Shan, Tyler, Emily, Brian, Carla, Kay all of them to see me through it. You have no idea how much it means to have your family there for you. Brian and Carla stayed with me the first night in the hospital and from then on it was Dave, Shan, and Emily. Every day and every night. Never leaving me alone. Then Carla came back and stayed a few more days with me until I was discharged to go home Brian came to my house and stayed with for a week -only they sent me home much too soon as we realized later- but when all the set backs happened there was Dave and Shan again at my bedside. One of the things I will never forget is how Shan - with her weak stomach and all - stayed with me while they put the third NG tube down my nose and throat. Dave was there for the first one and stepped out of the room for the second. Yes, she was hidden under a jacket, but her hand was out holding onto mine the whole time. You don't always find people like that and I am so lucky to have them in my family. Thank you Shan for doing things for me that I know are difficult for you to watch or hear. Like me heaving my guts out into a bucket at the hospital, and there stood Shan - who will throw up right along side of you - staying with me to help. These are my heroes! I hope you all have heroes in your life and that they are part of your family like mine are. Thank you one and all. I love you all dearly!!!

Well, Virginia, there are some not so good people

If you read my blog yesterday you know I lost my wallet at school. Cancelled everything and got a new driver's license only to get a call around 2:00 my wallet had been turned in. So I went to school this morning early to retrieve my wallet. Oh, I got the wallet alright. But that's all I got. Everything in it was taken, except my school ID - my credit cards, debit card, and Wal-Mart gift cards. Now one only had about $5.00 on it no biggie, the other one didn't have anything on it except the cutest picture of Tyler and Emily and was the one I used when I got gas at Wal-Mart to get the 3 cents off a gallon. So I don't know if the person that turned in the wallet took the stuff before it got turned in or if it was found after the stuff was taken. However it happened, it happened quick. I mean it was not 3 minutes from when I left the classroom until I got to the library and realized it was gone and went searching for it. And it was not all the money I have in the world, but right now every penny is important to me. You know if you have had anything taken you get that violated feeling. So once I get over that I will be fine. Sure wish I had the Wal-Mart card with the kid's pictures though!! LESSON LEARNED - DON"T BE IN SUCH A HURRY YOU DON'T MAKE SURE THINGS ARE SECURED!!! If I had put the wallet back and zipped the compart, like I should have, none of this would have happened.

Yes, Virginia, there are good people

I received a telephone call about 2:00 this afternoon from the college. Some kind soul has turned in my wallet. I can pick it up tomorrow at the student center. I hope this person has left a name so I may contact them in person to express my gratitude for their kindness. Unless you have lost something of value, be it monetary or sentimental, you have no idea the feeling you get in the pit of your stomach. So to the person that turned in my wallet I say a huge THANK YOU and if ever I can return a favor just let me know. They say one good deed deserves another. I will go out of my way to make sure this good deed leads to another good deed. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Sometimes you just want to scream

This is my fault. I was careless and in a hurry. Needed my college ID for my test today. I keep it in my wallet behind my driver's license. So I took it out, put my ID on the form, put the ID back in the wallet, and put the wallet back in my purse. Only thing, I was in such a hurry to get started on the test I didn't zip the compartment where my wallet goes. Finish my test, get up and put it on the instructor's desk, gather my things and head for the library. When I get there I realize I don't have my wallet. I walk back to the building where my class is, making sure to take the same route, back up to the class room - no wallet. Checked in with student services, but no one has turned in a wallet. So now I get a new driver's license, stop my bank debit card, call for new Health Insurance card, new Social Security card, and report my credit card lost. Now all these things are replaceable and really not a big deal, just an inconvenience. BUT - the pictures I had, along with my mom's, dad's and Jerry's obituaries can not be replaced. Lesson learned - nothing - nothing is worth being in that much of a hurry for. If by some chance when I go to school tomorrow and one of my class mates has picked it up and has it to return to me I will be eternally grateful. Right now I am heart sick over losing the things I can not replace because I was in such a hurry to get to the library to have my CNA ID made! Sometimes you just want to scream!!

Thank you

I live in a very unique situation. How it happened it a long story so I'm going to give you the facts mam' just the facts.(for you young people that is from an old TV show - Dragnet) I live in a mobile home next door to Shan's mom and dad (Shan is married to my oldest son, David). Dave and Shan live in a double wide behind her mom and dad. So we all share the same yard and driveway. When Jerry was alive he always mowed our part of the lawn. Since he died either Shan or her dad cut my grass and David does the week eating. I always thank them and that's okay, but somethings need more than just a personal Thank You...they need a public Thank You. So here it is to David, Shan and Junior -THANK YOU!!! I don't know what I would do without you. I am blessed in so may ways. I have wonderful children and grandchildren, not to mention my great neighbors. Thank you one and all. I know Jerry is in heaven right now saying to Shan - "You go girl, one of the perks of being dead is no more grass cutting!" To those of you that didn't know Jerry many think this statement odd, but if you knew Jerry like we now Jerry - that is from a song - you would be at this moment shaking your head yes and laughing. It would be so him.

This is diffferent

Up until now when I think of Jerry - which is all the time - it is always. always, the great things we did and the great things he is missing. For some reason when I went to bed the other night instead of the usual crying, missing him, and not understanding any of it I began to think of some of things we went through that were not so great. It was not always a good marriage. Married people I know have their ups and downs, but I think we had quite a few. I don't know that I want to put this out there for everyone to read, but since this to help me I will. In our 38 years of marriage Jerry wanted a divorce 3 times. Each time he stayed. Those three times were HELL. One time was when I was taking care of my bed ridden mother and we were living with her and my dad so I could care for her, I found him on the computer e-mailing a girl - he tried to tell me he was doing this for our son, Brian. I knew better. When it finally came out, yes it is a girl he is communicating with on the Internet. He does not want to stay at my parents home while I take care of my mom. I couldn't believe he was asking me to make a choice between him and my bed ridden mother. He was. I realized that night as I lay thinking about this, I am still angry at him for asking me to choose between them. As it turned out my mom had to go to a nursing home as her condition deteriorated and she began having sever bleeding spells I could not handle at home. So Jerry and I wound up moving back to our home in Prescott. What would have happened if my mother's condition did not deteriate and I would have had to make a choice?? I wonder if I am moving into a different stage of grieving? Something I will ask my therapist.