And God said "Let there be light" and there was

NOT!!!! Well not on my deck anyway! Okay - short story. This started on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. My motion light on the deck had gone out. Well, actually it stayed on all the time and then finally just went out Dave came to look at it. New lights, says he. Off to the store I go for new lights. Ahhh not the problem. So off to the store I go to get another unit. This time instead of a motion detector I chose a dusk to dawn one. Dave comes up, hooks it up...no light. Junior comes over and fools with it..no light. Finally I tell Dave just screw into the wall so I don't look like trailer trash with my light hanging off. Which he does. Well low and behold doesn't the darn thing come on that night all by itself! Just like it should. At dawn off it goes. Great don't know what the heck the problem is, who cares?it's working. Thanksgiving night works again. Just like it should. Comes on at dusk and off at dawn. And there folks ends my story. The light is no longer coming on. Two nights..it worked for two nights. I'm beginning to think something is afoot err alight. Anyway, I am looking for helpful suggestions. I like having my deck light. It gives me a sense of security - I know - I can hear ya'll now....You never even lock your doors and yet not having a deck light throws you into a panic! The answer to that would be a resounding YES!! Don't even try to figure it out. Greater minds than yours have tried and failed. We each have our own little quirks - okay so I have way more than most - but not having a deck light is definitely at the top of the list - at least for this moment it is. HELP!

Yes, Virginia, there is a God

I know the line from the movie is "Yes, Virgina, there is a Santa Clause". But I am taking a little literary license here and changing the wording. I have known for some time that blessings sent out are given back many times over. I know, for instance, that when I give to the church offering, especially when things are tight and I give any way, sometime very soon it will come back to me. Well, recently I learned from a friend in Pittsburgh, really he was one of Jerry's best friends, that a former member of the military was suing John Murtha, the Senator from Pennsylvania, who is a loud mouth blow hard anyway. Seem these 4 men were wrongly accused of some atrocities in Iraq and found Innocent. Did this stop Murtha from defaming them? Of course not. Shades of North Carolina and the Duke Lacrosse players. Any way, Jerry's friend sends me the email address of Justin Sharrat, who lives in Cannonsburg, PA and whom Murtha has taken a personal interest in attacking. Thus ensues a law suit against Murtha for defamation among other things. Some people just don't know when to shut the duck up! So I go to the web site for Justin and they are asking for help in any way that can be provided. Now, I will grant you, I am no champion of Murtha's so this is a pretty easy call for me. So even though things a tight I write a letter to Justine and send a donation to his defense fund. Not much, but the best I could do. A little time passes and I get a letter from Justin's family. It is a form letter that they obviously send to all donors, but hand written on the bottom of the letter is a personal note to me from Justin's mom. That small personal note meant more to me than words can express. Does God stop there, no - a few days later I get a check in the mail from my cancer insurance policy because I had been paying for Jerry on the policy and since he had died and was no longer on the policy they sent me all the back premiums I had paid for him. Is God done yet? Nope. A few days after that I get a check from the state of Arkansas that I had over paid my taxes and they were sending me a refund. I am blessed with so many wonderful things in my life. The best family in the world, great friends, a wonderful job that I love, and the sweetest grandkids in the entire world. A person can not ask for more than that, and yet God just keeps giving. I don't understand the wanting to take God out of everything. No prayer in school, In God We Trust off of our money, taking "under God" out of the pledge. When did the rights of so few become more important than the rights of so many? The founding fathers knew how important God was to "the people" and yet some choose to ignore that or slant the writings their way. I don't understand it, but it scares for my grandkids growing up. How can you walk through this life, lose someone very special to you and not go crazy thinking you will never see then again. The one thing that has kept with any resemblance of sanity (and there are those that will question that statement) is knowing I will see Jerry again some day. If I thought for one minute that I would never see him again I truly would go out of my mind. So please, enjoy your Christmas, but more importantly, enjoy and praise your God. Wishing all a Happy Thanksgiving and a very Merry Christmas. I love you more than there are words to tell you - Mom/Darlene/Mimi/ and for Paw Darla and for Kensley Bob. I have to add a PS here - Shan I am so proud of you and what you have accomplished. I thought you looked great all the time, but I know how much better you feel so a big Way To Go Girl! And to Paw who asked me today if I was down in the dumps. You have to know Paw to know how special those words from him were. Thank you, Paw, and I love you, too!

Santa Clause is coming to town

Okay, the holiday blues have gone away. I did some wrapping of presents tonight and I feel very Christmasy (is that a word). Anyway, I am thinking of putting my tree up on Wednesday. We usually wait until Friday, but I think I want to put it up a few days early - the longer to enjoy it my fine pretty. I think that's a line from some nursery rhyme or movie - oh no I know - it's from the Wizard of Oz. It's what the witch says to Dorothy. "I'll get you yet, my fine pretty". I was reading Dave's blog and getting a huge kick out of the Pittsburghese. What memories hearing those "words" brings back. We sure have a funny way of talking in Pittsburgh. Of course, none of us realized it until we moved away and people began to look at us strangely when we talked. I can remember working in Denver and the girls in the office would spell words and then ask me to say them just so they could hear me pronounce them funny. They all got quite a big kick out of my pronunciations. We never said the long i in words like fire or the o in shower - so we would say flour and flower the same way we said shower. You had to listen to whole sentence to make sure what we were talking about. Flour for baking or flower for the garden. Well, yinz all take care now!

Holiday Blues

Well, the holiday blues have set in. I knew it was coming for a week or so now, but today it came full blown. I know I'll make it and things will be okay when I come out the other side, but right now it's hard to imagine it. I have most of the shopping done and need to get to the wrapping part, but for some reason I have no want to. Ya know when you want to do something and then the times when you don't want to do something. Well, my want to hasn't arrived yet. And I am bone weary and feeling very guilty because I missed Tyler's basketball game tonight. What kind of Mimi am I. So wrapped in my own sadness I can't see beyond my nose. I know people will say I just need to snap out of it it and pull myself together. To those I say - walk in my shoes and then say that. I know if things were reversed and it was Jerry that was left behind he would have been sad for a while and then moved on. I am not him. I think women and men see death of a spouse differently. Maybe it's because I loved him more than he loved me. That's okay. I always knew it and just accepted it, so yes, there would be a difference in his reaction to my death. There should be some class or book or something to prepare you for the loss of a spouse. I know everyone is different, but surely there is something out there that sorta fits the circumstance and can give some enlightenment. I just know I'm tired. Tired of being lonely - not alone. I am not alone. I have a wonderful family and the best grandkids in the entire world, but the lonely comes from not having some one to come home to, not having a heart to share things with. I haven't figured out how to go from 20 years with my parents and then 38 years with Jerry to suddenly no one. Not living with any one. I'm having a very hard time with that. I'm having a hard time with being the one and only one responsible for everything. Getting things fixed, making sure the bills are paid, getting the food, putting it away, doing the laundry, cleaning the house. Doing the Christmas shopping, the wrapping and the decorating. Jerry always helped with the decorating. It was the one thing he liked, he was like a big kid doing it. I know this is all just a big self pity party, but I think sometimes you need them. I just know I am sad, lonely, and tired to the very core of my bones. My apologies for bringing you down, if you are reading this. But I really do this more for myself than anyone else and I am hoping by getting it out in writing it will change my perspective and lighten things up some. I know I am rambling. I hope it helps me. God knows I need it. Keep good thoughts! To all my family...I love you more than life itself!!!

Never hesitate to help for a good cause

A very good friend of Jerry's, Ed Tech, emails me on a regular bases. Always checking in on me and making sure I'm okay. He also sends me really interesting things to read. The other day he sent me an article about a marine that was acquitted on a murder charge over in Iraq. However, John Murtha, the Senator from Pennsylvania has said some very nasty things about this young man. Things that amount to slander. So the marine is suing Murtha. There is a fund set up to help with his lawsuit. You can email him, send him good wishes or even donate to his fund. Well, knowing Ed Tech like I do and hating John Murtha like I do, it was a no brainer to send Justin $100 for his fund. So I did. Did I really have the $100 to send? No, not really, but I felt it was important for me to do even if it meant I would go without something for a while. I expected nothing in return, just wanting to help in any way I could and $100.00 was the most I could muster at this time. Well low and behold in the mail today I get a check from my cancer policy because I have been paying the family rate and since Jerry has died I now pay the individual rate. So they returned all the money I paid for the family plan from the time Jerry died until now. $181.00. Wasn't expecting it, didn't know it was coming. But it certainly re-enforces my believe that a good deed will be rewarded in some way. Maybe not the way you expect or in the time you expect, but it will be. So if you get the chance to do something good for some one do it. Expect nothing in return, just the good feeling of helping some one and you never know when your good deed will come back to you! What a wonderful world if we all did this! Justin's email address is www.justinsharratt.com and for donations Justin Sharratt, fund for Justin, PO Box 44, Cannonsburg, PA 15317-0044. Thank you all. We are free because of the brave and Justin is certainly one of those!

A camping I did go

Well, I spent the week end with Brian and Carla at their lake front property in the RV. Cooler this time than last so we didn't do a lot of sitting out side. Saturday night Brian did build a fire and we roasted hot dogs and marshmallows YUMMMMMMM. I took a book that my friend Julia had given me so I did read a little. We did some shopping - okay no I did some shopping, Carla just looked around. But, I did get a few things for Christmas so that was good. Saw my drug dealer on Monday and he changed my meds. Not new ones, just the milligram and how often to take them. (okay if you're new to this blog my drug dealer is really a doctor and a nice one at that!). I can't believe one more week and then Thanksgiving! Then about three more weeks and out for Christmas! Where does the time go??? Emily is off at gymnastics and I told her I would come down when she gets home so she can show me her cartwheels! Tyler rode home with me from school. I really like it when he can come home with me. It is nice to come home with someone instead of coming in the house alone! This is an especially hard time for me, November is the month my dad died from an automobile accident, the holidays are coming for the third time without Jerry (second since he died, but he left for Houston before the holidays in 2006), and my mom died in January - so things will be rough for a while. I'll try to keep busy and get some Christmas spirit! So if I don't get a chance - Happy Thanksgiving to all. Tell your family and friends you love them and be ever so thankful to have them!

Okay - maybe my brother wasn't adopted

My brother, Bill, called me tonight to make sure I was okay. He knew how much of a McCain supporter I am. We talked for over an hour about several things. Of course the election was the big topic. Bill was thoughtful, concerned, and funny. He always makes me laugh and I always feel better after I talk to him. So I'm thinking maybe he wasn't adopted after all. As we talked I could hear our mother saying the same things he was saying. My mother didn't play - she spoke her mind no matter what, but she was also one of the most accepting individuals I knew. She never saw color, religion, or status of anyone. She treated everyone the same - which some of the time was not so great, at least with us kids. Bill and I talked tonight about a lady Mom worked with. Her name was Kix. She was black and worked as a cook where our mother worked as a waitress. There were many times when Mom would ride Kix home from work, now take into account this was probably 50 years ago and things were very different then. Any way, the first time she offered Kix a ride home Kix asked Mom if she should ride in the back. Our mom looked at her like she was crazy. Why in the world would she ride in the back when there was a perfectly good seat in the front and it was just Mom and Kix in the car. Kix felt that her status was lower than Mom's and didn't want to seem "uppity" as they used to say. Mom would have none of it. Kix was riding in the front with her and that was all there was to it. She always gave ya a fair shot. Now if you screwed up that was the end of you as far as she was concerned. Mom went 5 years without talking to our aunt that lived right next door to us. All over an argument they had about my cousin and me. My cousin and I had gotten into a fight about some dumb thing. My mom thought I was right and my aunt thought my cousin was right. Well that was the end of the conversation between the two of them for the next 5 years. It would have gone on longer, but my aunt came to the back door one day, opened it and threw in a hat. There was an old saying back then that if you had a fight with someone and threw your hat in their house and the hat didn't come back out then it was okay to go in and the fight was over. And so the fight was over. Mom didn't through the hat back. But that was the kind of person Mom was and I think there is a lot of her in my brother. So since I am the kind of person that will tell you how the watch is made if you ask me the time, I have taken all these words to say Bill is not adopted, he is really my brother and I love him.

SHHHH I think my brother was adopted!!!

Since the primaries were decided and it was going to McCain and Obama my brother and I have been inundating one another with our points of view. Which to my surprise are total opposites. And just to set the record straight I really inundate him and he simply replies. But in reading his reply I can just see his blood boiling and him pounding away on that key board. He is an Obama man and I am solidly for McCain. So to say we have had some heated emails flying back and forth is putting it mildly. I don't know where he came up with some of his ideas, he wasn't raised that way so the only thing I can figure is he was adopted and this was instilled in him before he came to live with us. I'm not like him, my sister is not like him, my mother and father were certainly not like him so he must have been adopted. That is the only explanation there can possible be for him to be so 180 degrees from the rest of the family. So my quest now is to hunt down - err I mean find his natural parents and bury them up to their heads in sand. I don't know what else to do. I have to save my brother. I may be too late for this election, but hopefully I can find his parents and get this fixed before the next election - if we live that long and if there is a country left for us to fight for. So I need all my readers help. Go out to all the voting places. Find the people that are voting for Obama and ask them if they gave a boy child up for adoption 50 years age. Then turn them over to the authorities for child abuse. Because what they did to my brother should be against the law. I thank you all in advance for all the help I know I will receive from you. I need to stop my real parents and grandparents from spinning in their graves, because trust me they are!!! Love to all and Go McCain!!!

I miss you, Dad

It is 10 years ago today that we buried my dad. He was coming home from the nursing home after spending the day with Mom. He thought he could make it and pulled out in front of a truck. He was wrong. The truck T-Boned his car. He lived in ICU for one week. The night he died we were all there. Bill, Patty, Shari, Nick, Jerry and I. I will tell you it was one of the worst nights of my life, but I would not change it for anything in the world. Once we decided to stop all the heroic attempts I got to stand at his beside and talk in his ear until the end came. I got to say all the things you wish you could say to a person that dies and you're not there, He was the kindest, most gentle man there ever was. I miss him as much today as I did back then. I love you, Dad, and wherever you are I hope you are happier than you ever were. I hope there is no pain or sorrow. Only happiness and joy and you and Mum are together again! I love you, Dad, and always will with every breath I take and every beat of my heart. - Darlene

Finally - maybe a little good news

Those of you that ready my blog know that my best friend's daughter had discovered many lumps under her arm. We were so afraid it was cancer. Turns out the doctor think she has contracted STAPH infection - MRSA. Which is very hard to cure and will take massive amounts of high power antibiotics. So was have some peace of mind there. And you all know the election is only a few days away. I have early voted and I don't mind telling people it was McCain I voted for. My brother and I have had some interesting conversations about this election. He's an Obama guy. I have found there are a few people for Obama that I would have bet money on they would be McCain supports. Goes to show ya, you don't always know people like you think you do. Especially in politics. Well, my Emily had a big week. The had PC the patrol car for a drug awareness program for the kids, in the Honor Roll she got every award they had, making the honor roll, good citizen, and making her goal for reading!. Then on Friday the kids got to see all the teachers that had dressed up for Halloween, and finally she went in a huge limo for a ride to Pizza Hut for lunch for selling 20 items during a fund raiser. The girl is busy! And now that Halloween is over you all know - sorry to say it - Christmas will be before we know it. My best friend, Dorothy is going to have her open heart surgery after the holidays so I will be heading North then. Keep her and our country in your prayers. I hope we are going in the right direction.