A year in review

My intent is to help myself and maybe others in dealing with the loss of a loved one, especially a spouse, but not limited to that. My husband died April 28, 2007 while working as a contractor in Iraq. His death was sudden and unexpected. Heart attack according to the autopsy. April 28, 2007 - the day my world was changed forever. You are never the same after a loss, especially a loss of a spouse. I know people want you to go back to being the person you were before the death, but that is impossible. You are not, and never will be that person again. If there is one thing I really want people to understand it is that - You are not the same!!
June 12th of that year I had major surgery which was followed by many setbacks. It all piled up on me until finally my mind was a damaged as my body and I knew I needed professional help. It has made a huge difference for me. She was the one that told me I would never be the same person I was before my husband died and that it was impossible to go back and be that person again. I experienced a catastrophic event and no one can be the same after experiencing an event like that. I need help explaining to people that I can not be the same person again. I wish I could, but I have no control over that. This is not a choice I am making - it just is! I came to understand how my grief for my husband had been interrupted by the surgery and was replaced by the grief for the loss of a body part. No two people grieve in the same way so there is no right or wrong way - there is just the way YOU grieve. I have come to realize that people that have not experienced the loss of a spouse really don't comprehend the impact. I know I never did until it happened to me. I am still in therapy and probably will be for a while. It is helping me cope and helping understand why people act the way they do around me and how to handle that. I will add more to this as time goes on. One thing I will tell you now - keeping a journal helps. I try to write in mine several times a week. I would love to hear from others about what they have experienced, what helped them, what didn't help them. Thank you in advance for sharing.