Don't Understand

I don't know why, but I am feeling the loss of Jerry more this holiday season than any other except for the year he died. Is it because I am getting older or is this how it will be as time passes. They will get harder instead of easier. I have no desire for Christmas to come. Have no want to wrap presents and get the tree up. I wouldn't mind if Christmas was just another day in the week and passed on by. If it wasn't for Tyler and Emily that is exactly what I would want it to do. The believe is that things get easier with time...that is not happening with me. And what's up with me not wanting to leave the house. It takes me two hours to talk myself into leaving the house. I get up at 5:30 in the morning so I can leave the house by 7:30 for school. Once I'm there all I do is count the time until I can get back to my house. The really strange thing is I love my job, but something is going on with me. I go to the doctor on the 1st. of December. Maybe he can give me some answers.