A new member of the club

Recently a lady I work with at school lost her husband unexpectedly. I see her every day in the halls. I have so many questions to ask her. How is she really doing? Not the usual response "I'm fine" that everyone wants to hear because they don't know how to deal with you and don't want to deal with you if you tell them how you really are. They want you to be fine. I think for some a person they know losing a spouse is much too close to home and as long as the person currently going through it is "fine" then they are too. Well, here's a news flash - we're not fine. We find ourselves in a "club" we don't want to be in, but there is no way out. We are here - not by our choice, but we are here to stay. I can remember when I went back to school after Jerry died someone at school making the comment of how strong I was. What a strong woman I must be. If they only knew. I was falling apart into a million pieces and I think that is how it is with the new member of the club. People see her at school every day doing her job, smile on her face and they think "Wow, how strong she is". Trust me. We are not strong. We are doing what we have to do. She stopped me in the hall today to tell me she thinks about me a lot. I told her I think about her every day and I sure would like to sit down and talk with her. She agreed that was a good idea. So, I am going to make it a point to find the time for us to do that. I think it helps to talk to someone that has gone through something similar to you - not the same - no death is the same. When I go back on Monday I am going to seek her out and get a time when she and I can get together and talk. Let our hair down as only people with our experience can do. I think it will be good for both of us. If I could wish for anything I would wish that no one else has to join our club. I know that's not realistic, but it is what I wish for. If I could spare just one person from this pain I would do it. I have good days now. I might even say the good days are more frequent than the bad ones, so maybe I am making progress. I still know I would give just about anything to get Jerry back. The missing him never goes away. Sometimes it's the little things - telling him something that happened at school. Something Shan told me. Something I saw Emily do. Sometimes it's the bigger things. Paying the bills. Having to make all the decisions yourself with no one to bounce them off and get someone else's point of view or advice. Someone to hug. You don't realize how important human touch is until it's gone. There are times when parts of me actually ache for his touch again. So I will sit and talk with this friend. I'm sure we will share our experiences and talked about the differences and maybe, just maybe help each other.