Such an epiphany

Unless you have been in a very dark place, wanting to pull the covers over your head and keep out the world none of this will make any sense to you. However, those of you that have had this experience will have an ahh ha moment. I will never forget the first time I was reading a book given to me by a therapist and in reading the book I was literally jumping off the page. There I was in black and white. Everything I felt, thought and feared was right there in front of me. This was my first epiphany - knowing you are not the only one going through this. There are others with similar experiences. How liberating that is. I have suffered from GAD for a long time. My first memory of it was when I had gone fishing with my dad, cousins and uncle. We parked the car and crossed some railroad tracks to get to the place we would fish from. My dad and uncle went back to the car to get the rest of the gear. In the time they were gone I convinced myself that a train was going to come along and derail. The train would roll down the embankment and kill us. I became so hysterical we had to leave - no fishing for us. I was 3 at the time. Since then there have more episodes than I can count. I fear 18 wheelers because I am afraid I will drive into them. I don't want to drive into to them, but I am so afraid the impulse will be stronger than I can control. Same with bridge embankments, Well, last night I spent several hours with a very dear friend who is having a difficult time - that is not the right word - she is on the very edge and is hanging by her finger nails. As we talked we realized how much we have in common. How we have felt and experienced similar things. Not all the same, but similar. How uplifting it was to talk to someone that understood exactly what you are feeling! I makes a huge difference knowing you are not alone out there and other people share your thoughts and phobias as well as your anxiety. Talking and writing help. They have helped me. However, I am a firm believer in if there is a medication that can help me bring it on. If I had cancer no one would question my treatment. No one would say WOW you take a lot of medicine or do you really need all that. They would just accept the fact that this is what I need to combat my cancer. Mental illness is no different. If there is medication out there that can help I am all for it. Let's get rid of the stigma on mental illness. Some of us just have our wires crossed. We didn't plan it, we don't like it, but there it is so we deal with it the best we can. It was so grand to tell someone about the screaming in my head and have them not only acknowledge it, but tell you they have the same thing! I take a lot of medicine. I take meds for my IBS, meds for my cholesterol, meds for my short circuit in my heart, meds for my allergies, meds for vitamin B-!2 since I lack the ability to absorb B12, I take a low dose aspirin every day plus my meds for my mental health. You're right. I take a lot of medication. So what?? It helps me function and maintain a normal a life as possible. No different than if I were on Chemo and all the stuff that goes with trying to beat a disease. So if this is what I need to keep body and mind functioning no one has the right to question my medicines or look down on me for taking them. I have no problem telling people what I take and why I take. If more people could do that the stigma of mental illness would go away and it would be no bigger a deal than a broken arm. So to my dear friend, I thank you for time well spent and look forward to our next time together. There is nothing as uplifting as laughing and crying with someone that knows what you are going through, they are there themselves. So thank you, my dear friend and I hope to see you soon. I love you and wish you the absolute best there is in this world for you!